My goal is to keep managers and small business owners out of court and build their conflict resolution skills. How do I do that? One of the ways is to teach you things about how your brain works, right?
I tell people regularly that your brain plays tricks on you.
Depending on who you ask, neuroscientists have said we have somewhere between 30,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day. (As of July 2020, the latest estimate is more than 6,000.)
You’re clearly not paying attention to all your thoughts.
Why do you choose certain ones to act on?
One of the things that we’re finding, and I see it a lot when I’m dealing with clients who get into conflicts that lead possibly down the road to court, it’s that we’re doing things that justify what we really want to do. Right?
We’re seeing it right now in New York City. Our numbers for the coronavirus are going down. We’re not seeing as many confirmed cases. It’s beautiful outside, and quite frankly, we’re tired of being inside. We don’t want a social distance anymore. We miss each other. And those masks are really hot. So we find ways then to justify what we want to do. Our brains will find something that looks familiar. It might say, “It looks like the flu, but it’s not the flu, because it’s warm outside. So now I’m going to go outside without a mask.”
Bottom line is your brain isn’t always telling you the truth. It’s not always making great decisions for you. So I’m not here to debate whether or not you should wear a mask. I’m going to defer to what the CDC and OSHA and all the experts out there. You make your own decision there.
What I want you to get is that you have to be very careful how you manage your mind. You can manage it so that it works more effectively for you and creates the results you want in your life.
- Manage what goes in, just like you manage what goes into your body. You need to manage what goes into your mind. They often say, “Garbage in, garbage out. Right?” So, if you’re putting bad data in, you’re going to get bad data out. You want to be very, very careful about the news. You consume the information from people that you’re around and all the external information that comes in, and it starts to influence your brain.
- Quiet your brain. For those of us that have been around long enough to remember early computers, remember how you put a lot of stuff in it and then it took a long time for it to process all of that before it would warm back up and do what you wanted it to do? Our brains aren’t running the processes that are in our computers and our cell phones these days. Right? Were slower than that. You just need to have time to quiet your mind so that it’s running as effectively as it can. And that means getting enough sleep. Maybe it’s meditating, taking walks without any headset on, no podcast, no music, just the sound of nothingness or the birds. Or even, if you’re here in New York City, listen to the occasional taxi. It’s okay to listen to noise, if it brings you peace.
- Ask for help. It’s absolutely okay to reach out. I’ve written a book about some of the neuroscience that goes on behind conflict. I have a course that follows the book. And of course, if you need one-on-one coaching, you can reach out. In the meantime, please keep listening with your third ear for those hurts that you can heal—including your own.
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Nance L. Schick, Esq., is an employment attorney, ethno-religious mediator, conflict resolution coach, and diversity trainer based in New York City. Her goal is to keep managers and small business owners out of court and build their conflict resolution skills–so everyone has a better work experience. She is creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process, author of DIY Conflict Resolution, and an award-winning entrepreneur acknowledged by Super Lawyers (ADR, 2018, 2019 & 2020), the New York Economic Development Corporation/B-Labs (Finalist, Best for NYC 2015 & 2016), U.S. Chamber of Commerce (2015 Blue Ribbon Small Business), and Enterprising Women Magazine (Honorable Mention, 2014 Woman of the Year awards).