I know how that reads. Playing and death conjure up visions of teenagers in a graveyard, dabbling with the occult. That’s not where I was going with this, but if it works for you, it’s not my place to judge. I’m still trying to figure life (and death) out, too. Losing my mother to death this year has me questioning many aspects of her life, mine, and how they came together. I am still in conflict. I sometimes disagree that she lived a long, happy life and that it’s fair she is now free from the body that began holding her back. I have many selfish interests that drive my wish for her to still be here. I’m only human.
If I could have this conflict resolve in any way possible, my mother would be here and 49 again. We would be like true wins, and I would get to experience her strongest years again on a new level. She would be here to grow old with me, my best friend (her “other daughter”), and my partner (her American Ninja training partner). We would watch my nephew and his family grow up, if not old, and we’d have many more laughs that were so good they made us cry.
Sometimes what we want isn’t possible, and we have to look for what’s close. I can still grow old with my best friend(s), my personal partner, my nephew, his wife, and their kids. I also have a huge extended and chosen family that knew my mom and that keeps her alive for me. Their relationships with her strengthened our bond. Now, it’s up to us to continue her legacy of love, laughter, and strength. Some ways I can do this are:
- Continue our genealogy research
- Call and visit others she left behind
- Honor and love the ways I am like her (where they work)
- Love big, like she did
- Laugh daily
- Fight for what is fair
- Never give up when there is still action I can take
There is almost always action I can take. I must keep going. WE must keep going. Be strong. Yet feel free to reach out if you need some encouragement. You might also find the below resources helpful:
- Stay on PARR with Your Self-Care Goals (Blog Post)
- How to Free Your Emotions with Loved Ones without Destroying Relationships (Blog Post)
- Mother Knows Best When It Comes to Her Life (Usually) (Blog Post)
Nance L. Schick, Esq. is a New York City attorney and mediator who focuses on keeping people out of court and building their conflict resolution skills, especially in business and employment disputes. Her holistic, integrative approach to conflict resolution draws from her experience as a crime victim, human resources supervisor, minor league sports agent, and United Nations representative. She is a 2001 graduate of the State University of New York Buffalo Law School trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), Financial Industry Regulatory Authority (FINRA), and International Center for Ethno-Religious Mediation (ICERM). She is also creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process, author of DIY Conflict Resolution: Seven Choices and Five Actions of a Master, and an award-winning entrepreneur, who has been acknowledged by Super Lawyers (ADR, 2018), the New York Economic Development Corporation/B-Labs (Finalist, Best for NYC 2015 & 2016), U.S. Chamber of Commerce (2015 Blue Ribbon Small Business), Enterprising Women Magazine (Honorable Mention, 2014 Woman of the Year awards), and Urban Rebound NY/Count Me In (Finalist, 2013 Pitch Competition).