What do you do when one of the people you’re coaching or in a mediation with is not whole due to past trauma? This was a question that I got earlier today. I get questions like these a lot, and I’m going to ask it again to see if you can guess where I went with it.
What do you do when one of the people you’re coaching or mediating with is not whole?
That’s what I want you to hear. Is. Not. Whole. (What exactly does a person look like who isn’t whole? Is it how they look? How they feel? Is it permanent?)
When we bring that kind of judgment about a person into a conflict resolution scenario, we’re setting ourselves up to fail, right? We’re not listening for something new. We’ve already decided how someone is. That limits our possibilities.
Look in your own relationships. Look at how you do this with your spouse or your kids–or your siblings. A lot happens from the time that we grow up. Yet we develop opinions about people as if people don’t ever change.
I invite you to take a look at that the next time you’re in conflict with someone and see where that might open something new for you.
I work with people on these simple steps that you can take to create a breakthrough in your life, in your relationship, and at work. I do a lot of this in the employment space because this often shows up between employers and employees. We have these judgments about whether someone’s a good person or whether they’re a good employee. Once we’ve decided whether they are or aren’t, it doesn’t matter what the other person does. The label is already there, and it’s stuck.
Again, I’m inviting you again to look anew–to listen differently–with the people around you and see if that alone won’t cause a breakthrough for you. Then, I invite you to share your results in the Comments to this video on the Third Ear Conflict Resolution YouTube Channel.
If you want one on one coaching, I do still offer the the 30-minute breakthrough call for free. Schedule yours by clicking this link.
In the meantime, keep listening with your third ear for those hurts you can heal.
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Nance L. Schick, Esq., is a workplace attorney, ethno-religious mediator, and conflict resolution coach based in New York City. Her goal is to keep managers and small business owners out of court and build their conflict resolution skills so everyone has a better work experience. She is creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process, author of DIY Conflict Resolution, and an award-winning entrepreneur acknowledged by Super Lawyers (ADR, 2018, 2019 & 2020), the New York Economic Development Corporation/B-Labs (Finalist, Best for NYC 2015 & 2016), U.S. Chamber of Commerce (2015 Blue Ribbon Small Business), Enterprising Women Magazine (Honorable Mention, 2014 Woman of the Year awards).