A Third Ear case study:
When Josh was a child, his older sibling was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. The sibling also put him in situations where he was sexually abused by the sibling’s friend. Yet they are family, and Josh was often dependent on his sibling. He admired and loved her, yet he feared her. So when she threatened to put him out of a moving car for singing, he stopped singing–even “Happy Birthday.”
Define the Conflict
Josh as an adult now disagrees with his “inner child” about the choice to never sing again.
Identify the Interests
He wants to fully experience all of life’s offerings and to be self-expressed in all areas of his life. He hates his fear of singing and wants to release it.
Play with the Possibilities
If he could have this conflict resolve perfectly, he would sing with confidence and enjoy the community that is sometimes created in a spontaneous group song. He would sing “Happy Birthday” in a way that truly generates love and celebration. he would be free of one more irrational fear.
Create the Future
Josh located a voice coach who understands and has experience with people who have “lost their voices.” He attended “The Natural Singer” and, for the first time in nearly 30 years, he sang fearlessly, or with less fear. Solo. In front of a group of people. Where he could be seen and heard.
Stay on PARR
Josh has no plans to audition for “The Voice,” but he might take a few lessons, and he will definitely sing greetings to his loved ones. (That might be more difficult than singing with strangers!) In the spirit of being on PARR, he is also planning a skydiving adventure, will take action in the spring, will revise his plan after he has completed the dive, and will repeat his fearlessness process by confronting another fear (e.g., dancing, public speaking, asking for what he wants, committing to a partnership).
Have a conflict keeping you up at night? Buy the book
Nance L. Schick, Esq. is a New York City attorney and mediator who focuses on keeping people out of court and building their conflict resolution skills, especially in business and employment disputes. Her holistic, integrative approach to conflict resolution draws from her experience as a human resources supervisor and minor league sports agent. She is a 2001 graduate of the State University of New York Buffalo Law School trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). She is also creator of the Third Ear Conflict Resolution process.